The Problem with the Phrase ‘No Problem.’
I don’t like when people say to me no problem.
I am sure this is a generational issue because I am, after all, a Boomer – God love Boomers.
Here’s what I mean about no problem.
I’m in a restaurant and I ask the server for a new fork because mine fell on the floor. The server says no problem. I have no problem with that no problem.
But when the server returns with a clean fork and I say thank you, the server often says no problem. That’s where my problem with no problem begins.
If I were the server, in answer to a thank you, I would reply – you’re welcome.
That is a phrase my mother and father taught me. It is a gracious phrase and acknowledges the politeness of the thank you.
No problem as an answer to my thank you does not seem polite – not to a Boomer like me.
Why does no problem at that moment seem like, well, a problem?
Because it introduces the word problem where there was no problem to being with. I ask for a fork, I get a fork, I say thank you. The server by saying no problem seems to imply – to me at least – that it might have been a problem – Gee, this moron needs another fork – but the server is gracious enough to ignore the problem, to overlook my extra request, my clumsiness in dropping the fork, and bring me a new fork. Like the server is going above and beyond the call of duty and is doing me a favor the server begrudges me. The server’s no problem makes me feel like a pain in the butt to the server who, after all, is there to serve.
Again, I know I’m being an old Boomer, but whatever happened to it’s my pleasure, you’re welcome, happy to do it, is there anything else I can get you -- well you get the point.
I’ll give you a final example. Not long ago, I went to the doctor for something or other. Before the doctor came in, the nurse took my blood pressure etc. and asked all kinds of good questions about the state of my health. When the nurse was ready to leave the room, I said “thanks for paying such good attention to me.” To which the nurse replied, “No problem.”
I should hope not.
I've definitely been guilty of falling into the habit of replying with "no problem." My intention is to express that there's no need to thank me—that it's my pleasure to help. But I realize now that it can be perceived differently by others, and it does come across as a bit of a lazy, casual response. Thank you for the insight. I'm going to make a conscious effort to switch to saying "you're welcome" or "my pleasure" instead.
Hi Lowell, I'm a fan of yours and Grant's.
Anyhow, this observation reminds me of something I learned in my 20s, that one should avoid saying "sorry" all the time. That's because it calls the other party to move into caretaking mode for one's feelings. Instead, they said use "I apologize" or "I regret". That worked for me for decades, until the popular texting term "sry" came into play. Now it's not so clear, but it's always clear to me in conversation when someone is calling you to care for their emotions.
And that's why I love your interplay with Grant - you two are clear about the emotional exchanges and also, you love language.